Mississippi Headlines of the Future

I have an old crystal ball that collects dust on a bookshelf in what I call my study, or as my wife more appropriately calls it, my junk room. I don’t remember where it came from, but I have had it since I was a boy. There is nothing really special about the ball, but sometimes late at night if I concentrate really hard on it, I can actually see newspaper headlines from the future floating inside. The predictions revealed in these headlines are sometimes debatable, but like any prediction, if you hang around long enough, their accuracy will eventually be revealed.

Mississippi Headlines March 3, 2015 through April 1, 2019

March 3, 2015

Phil Bryant Seeks Second Term as Governor

 Jackson, Mississippi. Governor Phil Bryant officially announced his intentions today to seek a second term as Mississippi’s governor. He promised to continue his fight against federal government interference in state affairs such as education, but he dodged questions regarding common core standards by saying, “Under my watch as governor, Mississippi has moved forward with common core standards implementation in our public schools. I am very much in favor of standards, but I am also very concerned about government interference in local affairs. I sincerely believe minus the political restrictions of my first term, standards for our children minus federal government interference will move forward in Mississippi.”

 

July 4, 2015

Mississippi’s Chris McDaniel Announces for Presidency

 Jackson, Mississippi. Mississippi State Senator Chris McDaniel announced today his candidacy for President of the United States. McDaniel, formally a Tea Party backed conservative who lost a bitterly contested state runoff for the Mississippi Republican nomination in June 2014, said his conservative ideas are the life blood of the nation and along with his tenaciousness to never say die, he believes he is the only man qualified to put America back on its feet. He also said his announcement to run for the Republican nomination for president in no way jeopardizes continued efforts to have the 2014 Mississippi Republican runoff election overturned. He added that as long as there are Mississippians willing to send $5, $10, $15 or more to support his fight for justice, he will continue to battle for integrity in the election process at least until his children finish college.

 

July 29, 2016

McDaniel Denied Republican Presidential Nomination – Supporters Rumble

Cleveland, Ohio. A day after Mississippi’s Chris McDaniel was denied the 2016 Republican presidential nomination, shocked and dismayed convention organizers are still picking up the pieces of what some are calling “The Rumble in the Jungle II.” After an hour and twenty minute non-concession speech filled with name calling and wild claims of irregularities in the nomination process, trouble erupted when convention security attempted to escort McDaniel from the platform. Video of the incident shows a security officer lean over and whisper something to McDaniel who paused, turned blood red, and wrapped both arms around the podium while yelling over and over, “I am not leaving! No! No! No! It’s mine! It’s mine! It’s mine!” The video shows all three of McDaniel’s supporters jumping on the platform and then hurling chairs and tussling with convention officials and security. Mayhem ensued throughout the convention hall, and to restore peace, the hall had to finally be evacuated.

In a statement to the press this morning, McDainel was emphatic that he and his supporters had done nothing wrong. He also said in days to come he would seek legal advice as to how best to proceed, and said legal action was a distinct possibility. Before, leaving his hotel in a white limousine with license plates “I THE WAY,” McDaniel shook hands with several onlookers and encouraged them to send him whatever they could afford to fight what he described as “the continued conspiracy and fraud rampant in my beloved Republican party.”

 

November 15, 2016

Phil Bryant Vows to Fight Common Core

Jackson, Mississippi. In Governor Phil Bryant’s first public address since being reelected as governor last week, he said he is in full support of doing away with common core standards in Mississippi, and will sign any legislation that comes before him that will effectively strike common core from Mississippi’s vocabulary. When reminded about his statement prior to the election where he implied his support of common core, Bryant snapped, “I implied nothing. I said very clearly common core standards were implemented statewide during my first term, and that I supported standards for our children. I did not say I supported common core standards.” When asked if he thought his pre-election statement may have deceived some voters, Bryant shrugged and said, “Oh well, I guess they won’t vote for me next time.”

 

March 21, 2017

Phil Bryant Strikes Down Common Core Standards

Jackson, Mississippi. Saying common core standards were a failed program supported by big government and people of questionable education merit, Governor Phil Bryant signed legislation today that effectively strikes down common core standards in Mississippi. He said this is something he has believed in for quite some time, and that he felt in his heart it was the right thing to do. However, he did say he might reconsider his action if governors in surrounding states such as Louisiana, Arkansas, and Alabama retracted their plans to oust common core standards or held fast to their support of the standards. When asked if that wasn’t being wishy-washy on the issue, Bryant said, “No, that’s being realistic.”

 

April 17, 2017

State Legislature Writes Mississippi Standards

 Jackson, Mississippi. In an anticipated move following striking down common core standards in Mississippi a little over three weeks ago, Governor Phil Bryant announced plans for Mississippi’s new standards. Under Bryant’s plan the new standards will be authored by legislators in both the state senate and house. Bryant said in a prepared statement, “It is time to put education back into the hands of the people who truly know and understand what Mississippi children need.” There was no immediate time line given for developing the standards, but legislators are expected to begin writing the new standards as soon as they fully fund MAEP.

 

February 14, 2018

Conservative Citizens Council to lead Mississippi Education

 Jackson, Mississippi. While state legislators continue to struggle with developing new state education standards, in a not so surprising move Governor Phil Bryant announced he will completely dismantle the Mississippi Department of Education by the end of the current 2017-2018 school year. In its place he will establish the Conservative Citizens Council of Mississippi to oversee education in the state. The Council will be made up of 12 committee members including the governor, attorney general, one at large attorney, five at large citizens with or without children in the public school system, two state senators, and two state representatives. The governor and attorney general will be automatically seated on the committee while all other committee members will be selected by the governor. When asked about teacher representation on the council, Bryant replied, “As council members we represent the teachers as well as the children of the state.”

 

April 1, 2019

Chris McDaniel Joins Fox News

 New York. Fox News announced today that former Mississippi state senator and presidential candidate, Chris McDaniel, will join the Fox News family. McDaniel will replace Glen Beck who recently announced his bid for the Republican nomination for president. Sponsors such as Pampers, Huggies, Similac Formula, Britax, and Johnson’s Essentials for Babies have expressed a strong interest in sponsoring the show. “Chris McDaniel is an iconic whiner who our customers can readily identify with,” a representative from Johnson’s said. “Chris gives us the “wah! wah!” factor we have been missing lately on television,”

 

There were a few more surprising headlines floating around inside my crystal ball, but it just didn’t seem right to reveal all of them and spoil the fun of surprise some of them will surely bring. According to my crystal ball, it will certainly not be dull in Mississippi during the coming years, so hold on for a very interesting, often humorous, and sometimes bumpy ride.

JL

©Jack Linton, August 16, 2014

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