You might need to go back to school if . . .

Part I: Stupid

Albert Einstein said, “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” After a trip to Walmart, listening to the news, spending too much time on Facebook, watching people at the mall and watching people do stupid things like text and drive, I must agree. Einstein was correct; human stupidity is “infinite.” Human stupidity is absolutely boundless!

I believe it is safe to say human stupidity is the best argument against the evolution of man. There is little evidence that stupidity is an evolved trait that over time morphs into anything greater than more stupidity. Through my observations, the stupid trait seemingly remains intact from generation to generation, and no one is exempt regardless of upbringing, wealth, ethnic background, or religion. Just because a person is smart, has a good mama, goes to church every Sunday, politically knows what is best for everyone, starches his shirts, changes his underwear daily, loves his family, is artistically talented and is just a pure down to earth overall good person does not make him/her immune to stupidity.

It is unfortunate, but none of us are immune from stupid. There is no cure for stupidity. Medicine, prayer, memberships nor asylums will completely cleanse people of the absurdity of the human condition. Going to school or going back to school may be the best chance people have against the stupid bug that plagues mankind, but even school is at best a shot in the dark for many individuals. But, everyone deserves a chance.

Maybe, if people afflicted with the stupid bug, people who naively believe anything they hear or read, people who blindly trust in politics, people who are gullible to whatever is blowing in the wind and people who are just plain simple minded got a second chance to go back to school, they would be able to get it right the second time around. At worse, they would be out of circulation for a while, which would actually be a break for everyone else. Many of the these poor afflicted souls do not have a clue that something is out of whack in their lives, so bless their hearts, they can’t help subjecting those around them to their irksome character quirks. But, hopefully they will read or have someone read to them the five part, “You might need to go back to school if . . . ,” series I will be blogging over the next few weeks. Who knows, some of these individuals may recognize themselves in these blogs and register for school in the fall.  One can only hope.

You might need to go back to school if . . .

  1. You think rampant racism is an out of control stock car race;
  2. You spend more time on Facebook than you do reading a book;
  3. You name your first, second, and third born Bubba Junior, Bubba III, and Bubba Gene as well as name your daughter Bubbalicious.
  4. You name your kids after food: Paprika, Cayenne, Ambrosia, Basil, Muffin, and Apple;
  5. You walk around with your laptop held to your head by a Gojo®;
  6. Your vocabulary is comprised mainly of four letter words and is as bad as, like, whatever;
  7. You believe fluttering butterflies in your stomach is love and not a warning to get to the John fast;
  8. You visit the zoo and the monkeys make faces at you and toss you peanuts;
  9. You have a graduation diploma that says unconditionally discharged; and
  10. You struggle to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.

If any of these strikes a personal nerve or you know someone these may apply to, please enroll or help that someone enroll in the closest school as soon as possible. After all, it is your civic duty to help the afflicted and the needy.

Coming in future weeks:

You might need to go back to school if . . . . for Believers

You might need to go back to school if . . . . for Politics

You might need to go back to school if . . . . for the Gullible

You might need to go back to school if . . . . for the Simple Minded


©Jack Linton, April 26, 2015


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