Democrats vs Republicans vs Libertarians

A quick look at what Americans need to know:

Republicans Democrats Libertarians
Believe Nancy Reagan coined the phrase “Are you yanking my chain?” Believe Donald Trump is “Yanking our chain!” Wish “They had a chain to yank.”
Believe it takes 10 chickens to make 10 McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets. Believe chicken should only be eaten fried. Only eat leftovers.
Believe Republicans win 65% of all coin tosses. Believe 65% is the chance the Republicans have of losing the election Believe 65% of all coin tosses will land on edge unless tampered with by Democrats or Republicans.
Believe it is time for Donald Trump to be President since the USA has never had a President named Donald. Believe it is scary to imagine a Pope named Donald. Can’t follow this line of thinking.
Believe Donald Trump put the jokes to rest about his hair when he let Jimmy Fallon muss his hair on national television. Believe Fallon mussing Trump’s hair explains the sudden spike in glue sales shortly before the show aired. Believe the bigger issue is lice control.
Believe the biggest danger in the USA is electing Hillary Clinton as President. Believe the biggest danger in the USA is ingesting Donald Trump’s malarkey. Can’t believe they are not the whackos on the ticket.
Believe a 2,000 mile border wall between the USA and Mexico is the best solution to immigration. Believe such a wall would be an unfair deterrent to their voter recruiting efforts. Believe it is impossible to build a wall between the USA and Mexico since the border is only six inches wide.
Believe Democrats were behind replacing silicone breasts implants with cookie dough as part of their concerns for the ecosystem. Believe Republicans are full of hot air, but for environmental reasons, think cookie dough does rise to the occasion. Wonder what the Cookie Monster has to do with the election.
Believe there is scientific evidence to support that at any given moment, there are American men who don’t realize their fly is down. Believe Donald Trump is one of those men, but they are not sure if it is intentional or not. Are hoping both Hillary and Donald are “temps.”
Believe the letter “F” should be removed from alphabet soup to remove the temptation to spell dirty words. Believe the letter “R” should be removed from alphabet soup to make it taste better. Didn’t know anyone still ate alphabet soup.

America, the choice is yours!?

JL

Jack Linton, September 18, 2016

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