Tag Archives: fun in school

Gullible

Part IV of the “You might need to go back to school if . . .” Series

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, gullible refers to a person who is easily duped, cheated, or quick to believe something that is not true. If that is the case, then every man, woman, and child is gullible; some are just better at hiding it than others. However, the upside to being gullible is that people do not have to practice being gullible to be good at it; novice or veteran, we are all experts. People are naturally born gullible and remain that way until they depart this world in a hand carved cherry wood box entombed in a water tight hermetically sealed vault that provides eternal comfort and peace of mind for the deceased. Like an astigmatism in the eye, gullible is a condition of the brain that clouds, muddies, or blurs rational thinking due either to an acute absence of common sense or a sincere devotion to ignorance.

Most people are quick to argue they are not gullible, but to argue that you are not gullible is like arguing that chickens do not have feathers; of course, chickens have feathers, and of course people are gullible. Television, with its high power infomercials that sell perfumed auto-wipe toilet paper dispensers to doting pet owners, and Facebook, with its constant parade of nonsense, conspiracies, and drama rich hearsay that its readers believe and rally around, are prime examples of the gullibility of people. If painted the right shade, people will believe anything they hear or read with no more thought than a pebble gives the hand that throws it. Shel Silverstein summed it up nicely when he said, “Teddy said it was a hat, So I put it on. Now dad is saying, “where the heck’s the toilet plunger gone?”

So, if you are one of us poor souls with a toilet plunger on your head, you might want to join us in the fall as we journey back to school to take refresher courses in Common Sense 101 and The Psychology of Ignorance. I hear the classes are filling up very quickly, so call your local school and register today to avoid the last minute rush. However, if you are not quite sure if these classes are for you, take the simple quiz printed below to a get a brief overview of your gullibility rating. If you believe any of the ten items in the quiz or need to think about any of them for more than five or ten seconds, I strongly advise you to enroll in the refresher classes ASAP.

You might need to go back to school if . . . .

  1. You believe a person when he/she tells you, ” I don’t mean to be critical, but . . .;”
  2. You believe everything your child tells you about school;
  3. You believe reality TV is real;
  4. You believe “fat free” won’t make you fat;
  5. You believe Albert Einstein failed mathematics in school;
  6. You believe ads that claim 9 out of 10 dentists, doctors, and sanitation directors recommend a product;
  7. You believe those beauty aids from ancient India and Galamastan endorsed by a gorgeous movie star will reverse aging, make wrinkles disappear, cure cancer, and change the oil in your car;
  8. You believe a Burger King Whopper actually looks like it does in TV commercials;
  9. You believe you can get all your news from Facebook; and
  10. You believe it is more important to know than to understand.

If you passed the quiz, that is fantastic, but don’t discard the quiz; file it for future use. Your gullibility rating is guaranteed to be challenged by the next telemarketer or phone donation solicitor call, email guaranteeing the National Bank of Nigeria has twenty million dollars waiting for you in an account in your name, or by a television evangelist promising the grace of God can be yours for a hundred dollar donation to his ministry. However, please do not feel bad if you didn’t do well on the quiz. Most Americans fail the test, and that is why the Gullible American Group (GAG) is sponsoring their most progressive and aggressive “Let’s Ditch Ignorance” campaign ever. “Back to School Degulliblizing” classes will take off across America this fall, and it is GAG’s goal to completely choke out gullibility by the turn of the century. GAG is out to take back America! My registration papers are in the mail; hopefully, I will see you in class.

JL

©Jack Linton, June 7, 2015

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Little Smiles, Big Hugs, and Huge Celebrations

Last week I spent four days in two elementary schools assisting with implementing professional learning communities. I always enjoy visiting elementary schools because other than an occasional “I want my mama!” tantrum wailing down the halls, elementary schools tend to be some of the happiest places on earth. There are little smiles, big hugs, and huge celebrations around every corner. There are knee high little people constantly pulling at your pants leg asking, “Who are you? Are you the president? Do you know Santa Claus? You look like Santa Claus,” and there is always at least one child who will offer you his foot, so you can tie his shoe. The neat thing is that after the shoe is tied, you can expect an appreciative hug that leaves a trail of snot down the arm of your jacket to the knees of your pants, but I have always been of the opinion that hugs are always worth a little snot.

The smiles and hugs alone make visiting elementary schools a joy, but when you add the never ending celebrations, the result is what Mardi Gras must look like in heaven. I mean these little people know how to party! You have not lived until you witness five and six year old children celebrate Caterpillar and Earthworm Month, or join them for Hotdog Week in the lunchroom. Whoever said a hotdog and an earthworm won’t fit on the same bun with ketchup has never witnessed the ingenuity of a six year old. There is also nothing quite as fascinating as watching a five year old try to lick ketchup off his chin before it drips onto his shirt, and when he fails, not missing a beat as he lifts his shirt to lick it clean.

The ones that I am most impressed with though are elementary teachers. Day after day, week after week, month after month, they find something for their children to celebrate. Walk into your nearest elementary school, and I guarantee you will see posters and decorations touting “Toot and Tell It Month,” “National Pickle Day,” or “Bring a Goat to School Week.” The list goes on and on and on. I would almost be willing to bet that other than Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter the list is so extensive that the teachers rarely ever have a need to repeat a celebration. I mean these folks celebrate any and everything! They can make a celebration out of a broken egg yolk.

Now, I admit as an educator coming from a high school background, I was once shocked at the level of commitment elementary schools have to celebrations. To my uninformed way of thinking, the seemingly never ending stream of celebrations constituted a grave misuse of instructional time. However, I have mellowed quite a bit since those days when I was repeatedly stoned and shamed by elementary principals and teachers for my lack of understanding. Maybe it is my age, or more likely one of the stones actually knocked some sense into me, but I have come to realize these celebrations are valuable learning tools for young children. Even if they were not learning opportunities, which they are, the celebrations are fun and build student interest in school. Maybe that is what is missing at all grade levels in schools today. Maybe what schools need is a little more fun – not only in elementary school, but middle school and high school as well. We might be amazed at the impact on behavior, attendance, and achievement if we created schools where children and teachers enjoyed being there.

Therefore, in an effort to show my support for making schools a more fun place to be, I am contributing a list of nationally recognized monthly and weekly celebrations. I am fairly certain that none of the celebrations on my list will be new to elementary school principals and teachers, and I am fairly positive that many middle school and high school principals and teachers will be just as inflexible as I once was and ask, “What in the name of a blue flaming hen is he thinking? What does he hope to accomplish? Has he gone absolutely mad?” My answer is simple. Sometimes it pays to be a little mad if it gets people to thinking what the best hope is for kids, and especially if it makes school a place where children of all ages want to be. Therefore, I challenge principals and teachers across all grade levels to find an excuse for celebrating from the list below, or better yet, create your own reason to celebrate. I think it is time to follow the lead of the elementary schools and build a little fun and celebration into our schools and the lives of our children! Who knows, it may be the missing “silver bullet” educators have been searching for years to find.

Linton’s School Celebrations: (These are actual celebration days, weeks, or months)

  • Oatmeal Month (January)
  • Spaghetti Day (January 4)
  • Cuckoo Dancing Week (Week of January 18th – I may take my wife dancing this week.)
  • Snack Food Month (February)
  • Procrastination Week (Second Week of March – Right before spring break – how appropriate!)
  • Egg Salad Week (1st week after Easter Sunday)
  • Frog Month (April)
  • Teacher Appreciation Month (1st full week in May)
  • Trauma Awareness Month (May – I wonder if there is a reason for Teacher Appreciation Month and Trauma Awareness Month to be in the same month?)
  • Bathroom Reading Week (Second week in June – Now this is my kind of celebration!)
  • Baked Beans Month (July – As a teacher, I would be glad this one comes in the summer.)
  • Clown Week (August 1 – 7 each year – All a teacher needs is another clown!)
  • Chicken Month (September)
  • Children’s Good Manners Month (September – Why not celebrate this one every month?)
  • Sarcastic Awareness Month (October)
  • Teach a Friend to Homebrew Day (First Saturday in November – For teacher’s only after school!)
  • Plan Your Epitaph Day (November 2 – Not sure what to think about this one?)
  • National Pizza With The Works Except Anchovies Day (November 12)

Happy Celebrating!

JL

©Jack Linton, August 25, 2014