Nine people I find hard to handle, yet at times I may be guilty of acting like them:
- People who blow their nose in public and then open the tissue or handkerchief to take a look! If you need to blow your nose in public, please do so, but do you really need to look at it afterwards? What do you expect to find – brain residue?
- People who text and drive! Thank the good Lord, I am not very good at texting, so texting and driving is not a problem for me! People who text and drive should drive with a revolver with one bullet in the cylinder next to them on the seat. That way just before they text, they can pick up the gun, spin the cylinder, put the gun to their head, and pull the trigger. The odds are the same that sooner or later the gun will fire and texting while driving will lead to a deadly accident. Every time I see a person texting while driving, I always think, “There goes a funeral waiting to happen;”
- Fat guys who wear a Speedo on the beach! I have never been guilty of this, but if I ever find myself alone in the world with no family or friends, this will be my way of getting even with the world!
- People who think a “Yield” sign means they have the right-of-way! We’ve all been there. We are driving down the highway when from the corner of our eye we see some bozo merging from a side ramp without bothering to look to see if a car is the lane. The result, we slam on brakes to let him in to prevent an accident. Bozo continues along his merry way never aware that his failure to adhere to the yield sign and merge properly almost caused an accident;
- Overweight women who wear a two piece on the beach! There are certain things that are simply unbecoming on a woman wearing a two piece bathing suit at the beach: a cigarette in her mouth; dried out leathery skin; a stretched out boat anchor tattoo on her belly; boobs she kicks when she walks; and bikini bottoms that read, “Danger, wide load!”
- People who smoke! There are few things in this world nastier than cigarette smoke. Tried it one time, but thank God, it made me sicker than a dog, so I never tried it again. If a person wants to commit suicide by smoking, that is his/her choice, but they should do it in the privacy of their home away from people who enjoy living;
- People who cannot express themselves without the use of profanity. Unfortunately, when frustrated or I smash my thumb with a hammer, I have been known to use words I later regretted and made me ashamed of myself. However, outside those times, I try my best to avoid thinking with my brain stem and using “hardcore profanity.” Heck, it bothers me to hear just about everyone these days say, “I gotta go pee.” Whatever happened to “I gotta go to the bathroom,” or “I gotta go to the restroom?” I really don’t understand why it is so important for folks to broadcast which bodily excretion they need to discharge;
- People who cannot accept others for who they are! Most people have been guilty of pushing their agendas on others at one time or another. People feel comfortable when the world around them conforms to them. However, not everyone is like me or you, and that is okay. Unfortunately, far too many people in our society don’t feel that way. If people do not think like them, believe like them, or live like them, some folks cannot rest until those people are converted into a “mini me.” If conversion is not possible, therein lies the underlying current of tension in our society; and
- People who are offended by everything! Most people, including me, have been offended at some point in their lives. However, most sane people do not make it a habit to look for things to offend them, which is too often the case in our world today. If something offends you, it’s okay to address it, but in the name of Bozo the Clown, don’t park your insecurities on the offense and make your life and the lives of everyone around you miserable – MOVE ON! Therefore, if I offended you with this blog, MOVE ON! I can assure you I was not thinking of you personally when I wrote the blog unless you are one of the people mentioned above in which case I am the one offended, so I shall now MOVE ON!
©Jack Linton, April 9, 2017