Tag Archives: Twitter

How to Use Your Cell Phone to be RUDE, DISRESPECTFUL and INCONSIDERATE

It is not a secret I have always despised cell phones, but it is not widely known that I have finally seen the light.  To my wife’s surprise, I recently moved from the dark side to the side of the Enlighted and the Cool!  I even bought a new Hawaiian shirt to show how cool I am.  No longer do I hate the idea of being tethered to a cell phone, and cell phone users, who I once thought of as obnoxious creatures with little or no manners, do not bother me at all anymore.  Before my transformation, I didn’t “get it” when it came to cell phones or their users, but now I do.  It took longer than it should have, but I finally realized everything I had always believed about cell phone users was wrong!  Being self-centered and inconsiderate is not a terrible thing at all.  What I once perceived as being rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate are tools cell phone users use to keep society at bay, family and friends in their place, and themselves at the center of the universe.

This is a complete turnaround from the old me, who saw cell phone users as self-centered idiots with cancer plates shoved against their ear holes 24/7.  Since my change, however, I have joined forces with cell phone users; I am all about being rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate if it ensures my place at the center of the universe. Remember, cell phone users believe they are the most important people in the world; they are the center of the universe.  The new me thinks no differently.

To convey this message to everyone, the dysfunctional cell phone user understands he/she must master being rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate.  However, that is not as easy as it sounds.  I discovered it takes practice to be self-centered every single day although it is easier with a cell phone in your hand.  To make it even easier, I developed ten simple guidelines for cell phone usage to help hardcore cell phone users, newbies, and returnees. like me, master the art of dysfunctional cell phone usage.  I call these quick, nitty gritty, get down to the dirty, guidelines “How to Use Your Cell Phone to be RUDE, DISRESPECTFUL and INCONSIDERATE.”  This short tutorial should be mass produced and placed in the box of every new cell phone sold.  As we all know, for many cell phone users, being rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate comes naturally, but for some, these traits must be learned.  Here’s to learning!

How to Use Your Cell Phone to be RUDE, DISRESPECTFUL and INCONSIDERATE

  1. Stay glued to your cell phone during family or social gatherings. This will show everyone just how bored you are and that there are more important people in your life than the people you are with;
  2. Interrupt dinner at home or in a restaurant by answering your cell phone at the table. This will show just how little you think of everyone at the table as well as keep you at the center of the conversation;
  3. Answer your cell phone while engaged in a face to face conversation with another person. Nothing says the caller is more important better than disengaging from a conversation to answer your cell phone.  Sorry, but answering for a family emergency or an important business call you told the other person about at the start of your conversation does not give you points for rudeness;
  4. Once the lights go down in the movie theater, call or text a friend.  You paid for use of the seat and air conditioning, so other than Alfred Hitchcock, no one should care.  If they do, so what!
  5. Call someone before 9 am or after 9 pm. So what if they are sleeping or trying to get kids and themselves off to school and work!  Waiting until after morning coffee and breakfast or until the next morning is an inconvenience that can be avoided. [Note:  Rudeness points are not awarded for family and close friends];
  6. Say “What?” when you answer your cell phone. Let the caller know up front he/she better have a good reason for calling;
  7. Engage in a phone conversation while doing your business on the toilet. Who says there can’t be human interaction when churning the pot?  There is nothing wrong with a few grunts and groans between words or sentences.  Also, there is no greater closure to a phone conversation than a toilet flushing;
  8. When talking on your cell phone, talk loud enough to shake the windows. When dining out, shopping, visiting, or using the toilet, nothing is as discouraging to eavesdroppers as someone using their “inside voice” when talking on their cell phone, so speak up;
  9. Completely segregate yourself from the world around you by plugging into your cell phone every minute of every hour you are awake. When walking around with a cell phone to your ear or your nose stuck to the screen, you appear unapproachable – mission accomplished; and
  10. Make your cell phone the priority in your life! Ignore personal relationships by relegating them to social media, texting, and talking on your cell phone.

By the way, if you are one of the few who really doesn’t want to be RUDE, DISRESPECTFUL and INCONSIDERATE of others when using your cell phone, I have one final piece of advice – SHUT IT OFF, PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET OR PURSE, AND TALK TO YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS!  Get to know them; it is the human way.

JL

©Jack Linton, June 1, 2017

Why I Don’t Use Twitter

I am asked quite often if I have a Twitter account, and when I say no, I usually get a sad “Oh, you poor thing” look. Once a young lady actually told me, “I understand. It’s probably a bit much for your generation.” She was right; using social media is sometimes a bit much for me, especially if I see little use for it. The options technology offers for connecting people is wonderful if you are one of those people who crave continuous contact with others. However, I am not one of those people who continuously talks on the phone, texts, tweets, checks Facebook, and sends email while they eat, exercise, shower, use the toilet, drive, shop, attend meetings, visit family, worship in church, and watch TV or a movie, but I understand that I am a relic of the past, and such behavior is now the norm in today’s society. For example, once in a restroom in the Atlanta airport, I heard a man scream from a stall for people to stop flushing the toilets because he could not hear the person he was talking with on his phone. That is taking technology a bit too far if you ask me, but of course, I come from a generation that grew up believing in independence, individuality and that certain private moments should remain private.

Nevertheless, in an effort to conform, I actually gave Twitter a try a while back, but I quickly determined it was not for me. It wasn’t the technology itself that proved to be frustrating, but rather the terminology used when tweeting. It was a major FAIL on my part to learn and understand the jargon and acronyms that play such an important role in communicating via Twitter. For the life of me, I could not figure out what terms and acronyms such as hash tag, twaffic, twalking, twishing, LOL, LMAO, TLC, and WTF meant. Thanks to Elvis, I was able to associate TLC with “tender loving care,” and with a little help from my kids I learned the meanings of LOL and LMAO. However, call it what you will, a generation gap or too much to handle or comprehend for an old man, the jargon and acronyms proved to be my undoing. Due to my interpretation or misinterpretation, I often found the terminology confusing, silly or even offensive, and that negatively impacted my Twitter experience.

For example, I could never quite figure out “hash tag.” I knew it had something to do with helping tweeters discover relevant posts, but other than that, I did not have a clue what it was or how it was supposed to be used. For me, it conjured visions of young people dancing with flowers intertwined with their long hair amid clouds of illegal smoke and psychedelic music. Of course, I knew it probably didn’t have anything to do with any of that, but the term was nonetheless a generational distraction for me.

Also, I found many terms to be outright silly. Every time I saw terms such as “twaffic,” or “twalking,” I completely lost focus on the tweeted message, and in my mind heard Elmer Fudd from the old Bugs Bunny cartoons speaking. Another term that I thought silly as well as confusing and misleading was “twishing.” I couldn’t help but wonder if “twishing” was anything like Miley Cyrus’s “twerking,” or was it simply Elmer Fudd speaking up once again? I found the silliness to be disconcerting, and a deterrent to clear communication, which provided me a solid reason or excuse not to tweet.

Finally, I found some of the acronyms and terms to be outright offensive. One such acronym was “WTF.” I can’t believe that people use such an acronym. People should not be so mean and judgmental! It doesn’t matter if a person is talking, texting, or tweeting they should always be sensitive to the feelings of others. To hurt another person’s feelings and say or write, “Whoa, WTF” is just wrong! So what if a person is “Way too Fat,” that is that person’s business, and it should not be blasted across social media. For me, such insensitivity was the nail in the coffin for Twitter. It is far too easy to be mean to people when you don’t have to look them in the eye.

On a serious note, I have nothing against social media such as Twitter other than like all other social media, it lacks the human touch. In spite of its illusion of audience and connectivity, Twitter and other social media have become the tools of human isolation. The sad thing about all social media is that we never truly know if anyone is reading or listening, but the biggest flaw is that we never know if anyone really cares. The only way to ever know that is face to face, and that is precisely the problem with social media; it is an illusion of the real human connectivity that we all crave so much for in our lives. Social media is not a bad thing as long as people do not allow it to become a substitute for real face to face human interaction. Technology cannot replace the human touch, nor was it ever intended to do so; unfortunately, many people in today’s society are more in touch with their social media lives than they are with the lives of the ones who really do care about them – their family. The real reason I gave up Twitter had nothing to do with the technology, but I simply decided I did not need another social media distraction in my life. I am not saying people need to give up all social media, but is it really necessary to be connected to every social media tool out there? By cutting a social media umbilical cord or two, people might be surprised at some of the truly real human connections and experiences they have been missing.

JL

©Jack Linton, September 28, 2014