Recently, I saw a post on Facebook depicting President Trump building his proposed border wall from a box of Legos. Other than a brief laugh, I scrolled down the page giving it little thought, but then it hit me like a Lego brick upside the head. It could work! Not only could it work, but a Lego wall would be a cost-effective way to get hog-tied American citizens and laughing Mexican leaders off the hook for funding the wall. A Lego wall stretching the length of the border between the United States and Mexico would still be expensive, but the cost could be reduced drastically from billions to millions by taking advantage of America’s greatest untapped building material resource – old Lego sets and Lego pieces collecting dust under sofas and in toy closets in homes across America.
Putting a plan to build a Lego wall in action would not be difficult. Most American families would be overjoyed to donate their old Lego sets and partial sets that no longer interest their children or grandchildren to the wall. A network of Lego Drop Boxes in malls, Walmart, churches, and government buildings could be set up across the nation to collect Lego pieces for The Great Wall of America. Legos make sense as a money saver as well as a building material. By using Legos – new or donated – to build the wall, money for mortar, adhesives, rivets, welding, etc. to hold the wall together would not be necessary since Legos interlock. Donated Legos would be especially useful to the construction of the wall. Used Legos not only interlock but are covered with a thin gooey film from sticky little fingers that once played with them. Try prying apart two interlocked Legos sealed by peanut butter and jelly or banana pudding taffy? It is almost impossible. Nuking might do the job, but it’s doubtful.
Labor is the second area in which a Lego wall would save the country money. Let’s assume every Congressman can assemble Legos (A stretch, but for now please humor me). Why not put them to work building the Lego wall? They receive a paycheck for doing little to nothing, so why not put them to work earning their pay for a change? Of course, such a work force of limited skill sets and questionable work ethics would require constant supervision and mentoring, and that is where pre-school and kindergarten children come into play. Children are Lego experts, and through their expertise and guidance, the construction of the wall would flow smoothly from beginning to end. Now, before someone starts shouting about child labor violations, please, listen closely. Under the Lego plan, communities would organize pre-school and kindergarten field trips to allow children to travel to the wall and spend a day eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, mentoring the Congressmen stacking Legos for the wall, and teaching them how to work and play nicely together. If nothing else, children mentoring Congressmen on how to get along, share, and work together would be a patriotic service sorely needed in America.
Finally, maintenance for the wall would be easier and cheaper if Legos were used. Billions of dollars would be saved on maintenance since cumbersome and expensive steel and concrete would not be needed. When a section of the Lego wall needed repairs, Congressmen would simply pop out the worn piece and fit a donated Lego piece in its place. There would be no long delays waiting for replacement materials since America’s Donate a Lego campaign would produce an endless stream of Legos for repairs and additional tower construction. This would especially be true in March and April when most children lose interest in the Legos they received for Christmas and put them aside. That interest lull is the perfect time for patriotic parents and grandparents, tired of losing their religion and speaking in obscene tongues when they step on a Lego piece buried in the carpet, to scoop up all Legos laying around the house and drop them in the nearest Lego Drop Box. The beauty of this process is it comes at no cost to the to the citizens of the United States or Mexico.
If you stop to think about it, a Lego wall makes as much sense as anything else happening in Washington these days, so why not give it a chance? Who knows, it might give us a reason to smile, be nice to each other, and be proud of our country’s leadership once again.
©Jack Linton, January 19, 2019